Friday, March 18, 2011

The Straw That Broke the Camel

I feel like I need to share what happened to me yesterday.  I feel like my voice of the difficulties of motherhood are powerful to all who read them.  In today's world, we strive to find other voices that sound like our own.  And I know that what I went through yesterday will ring true to so many of you.

As I mentioned earlier, E was sent home from daycare this week.  We believed the cause to be the shots, but E was running a very low grade temperature yet again yesterday.  And I got "the call" from the daycare to come pick her up.  I don't know what snapped inside, but it was just the straw.  I raised the total to 15 total days, because E had made it half way through the day, so I only missed a half day of work.  But then I began to weigh the situation.  Not only was E getting sent home today(yesterday), but she couldn't go back to daycare tomorrow (today).  And as I pulled my car out of my parking space at work.  I started to cry.

I cried the entire 30 mins from my job, to the daycare.  And then spent a good 5 mins in the car, pulling myself together before I went inside.

I cried because I felt like a "bad" mother, because I couldn't just be there for my baby when she needed me.  And I cried because I feel like I am not there for my job to show I am a good and productive worker.  I felt like in the attempts of being a working mother, I was failing on all fronts, and that I was not working to capacity at ANY of those jobs.  I finally called Daddy and told him I could NOT miss another day of work, and that he would have to take a day to take care of E.  And then after I got E, I cried some more, because part of me, of course, WANTS to be home with her.

E and I had lunch.  And thankfully, it was nap time.  E and I BOTH crawled into our bed, and slept for 3 hours.  I figured, if I was eating up my vacation time, I might as well be doing something I would do on vacation, and being productive was just going to HAVE to wait.

I woke up feeling better.  And this afternoon, the whole incident is behind me.  E had a wonderful day home with her Daddy, and is feeling much better.  The two of them spent the whole day playing outside together. 

But as I walked into the building this morning, I felt like I HAD to share this experience.  Because I know we are all there at one time or another.  Where we just feel like there is too much on our plate, and that we are letting people down all around us.  So I promised to share, the good, the bad, and the funny.  This is the bad.  And it just is.  Now I'm going home to a lovely day, and play with my baby, who I miss so dearly.

So we all just have to hang strong, stick together, and thanks for listening. 

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