Sunday, April 18, 2010

We've Come so Far yet stand so still...

I have to say, it truly amazes me the number of women who have reached out to me and thanked me. Thanked me for my brutal honesty as it pertains to being a mother. Balancing the choices and the goals, and somewhere along the way changing who you are on the most fundamental level while keeping who you always were deep down inside, not that it's buried, more as though it's a set aside... like when you're cooking dinner, and you finish part of it first, and have to set it aside until you complete making the rest of dinner and then you bring it all back together. I guess I kind of think of becoming a mother of something akin to that.

But I digress, or perhaps I've gotten ahead of myself. Since it's not a bad place to go. But anyway, I've been thanked. It amazes me that as many advancements and as progressive as women are today, we still place unnecessary strain on ourselves when it comes to the hat of motherhood. We are demanding of ourselves. We are no longer just women, mothers and wives, we are also workers. And consequently the game should have shifted. But it doesn't. Somehow, it just expands. We try to give the same efforts to all those roles as we did before we had the added role of being a full time, or even a part time worker.

I think consequently, as a result of this split personality (I mean role), the guilt we feel as it pertains to motherhood is immense. And the weight it carries can be a true burden. Nobody wants to talk about the difficult parts of motherhood. Many women when asked how they deal with the challenges of splitting their lives talk about it with a big smile, an extensive to do list, and a happy husband at home on the side lines. I try to keep it real. Maybe there are people out there who really do accomplish all of this. And inside their hearts are truly happy and fulfilled. But I suspect, more often than not... they are just holding the other part in, and not letting the world see how truly challenging the roles can be.

Let me just clarify. I am not saying that being a mother, a wife, a woman or a worker is the end of the world. It is truly some of the most rewarding my life has ever been. The love is more complete and unconditional, and it's just truly special. But heck, there are times I just want to bury my head in the sand like an Ostrich and hope the rest of the world takes the hint and goes away. There are times I look at myself and think "I am too young to be someones mother." Or... "Surely I'm doing something wrong that she still wont' sleep through the night." I question myself more than ever before, and yet I have this innate feeling of what to do and how to sooth this little person who just needs unconditional love from me. And let's face it, whoever said ALL THEY NEED IS LOVE... forgot to mention, the bottles, the food, the naps, the bedtimes, the baths, the diapers, the wipes and the other endless mountain of necessities that babies need. And that as parents we must provide. And at the end of the day. After you have crawled into bed yourself, without any supper or strength left to want any supper... well... you feel overwhelmed. And in the same moment you can see your little one, or think of your little one, and the impact of that is immense. You could go on for hours.

As far as the women's movements have come. I find it interesting that as women we continue to hold in what we really feel. And put on this face of bravery for the world to see. I am not suggesting we should appear as weak. Not at all. Rather I think we should show our strength in facing, admitting, and dealing with the truly difficult challenges society asks for us to deal with today.

I am glad I can give mothers/women a voice. That I can say, I am MOMMY - Hear me ROAR! I will tell you all about it, the good, the bad, the ugly, and the funny. I will not sugar coat it, and I will not try to convince you that it's easy or all good. But it's real. It's life. And I'd do it all over again!

To Mommies and Daddies... let's be honest, this is hard stuff. Sometimes it really stinks. And really - - - Who dropped the pacifier?

1 comment:

  1. Your right! It can be hard. I know I dont want to be a stay at home mom because I need time away to do my thing. But I also knew that once Cole was here I did not want to work the 8-5 job anymore. I am really happy that I work 40 hrs a week but have the privilege of being home to get him off the bus and make dinner with him everyday. I also have the joy of having weekends off with him and my husband. But I have days were I need some time for me and only me. I also think this why we have decided that we are happy with one child, we are a family but Tim and I can still have time to be a couple and importantly to just be Tim or Sara.

    Keep it real, girl! =)