So we tried to suggest E take a nap on Easter. She didn't make it 3 mins in the car after church before she passed out. She let me carry her ALL the way upstairs, and as SOON as she hit the crib she jolts awake and starts SCREAMING bloody murder. So I try, then put her down. I try again, and put her down. Daddy tries, and puts her down. Then I tell him, bring her down, give her some lunch, maybe she's hungry. The child wolfed down a sandwich (because apparently the sleeve of ritz crackers she ate during church wasn't enough (yea don't tell anyone about that part either)). So back upstairs we go. Daddy tries to put her down. He tries for 20 mins. And still she won't go to sleep. I say: "FINE! Just leave her there, we've got guests coming in 20 mins and we've got stuff that has to get done. She'll cry herself to sleep. 20 mins later. No noise. I go look at the baby monitor... she's just playing her crib. Walking around. Throwing things over the edge. WHATEVER. She's quiet. I'm busy. I don't care. I go on my merry way. Another 20 mins later. Still no noise coming from upstairs, guests expected ANY minute. I look on the baby monitor (maybe she's FINALLY fallen asleep)... she's standing in her crib, rubbing her hands together, looking at them and then rubbing them together. I can see brown stuff all over her hands.
I storm out the back door and yell at Daddy who is out hiding easter eggs... "OH NO! I can NOT HANDLE THIS! YOU GO DEAL WITH YOUR DAUGHTER" He comes inside and asks what's the problem. I say: "She's playing in her crib." Daddy: "With what?" Me: "POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP"...
Upstairs he goes, downstairs he comes holding her as far away from him as he can. Dumps her in the tub fully clothed, and begins DOUSING her with cold water. She starts SCREAMING, I hear: "WELL! That's what HAPPENS WHEN YOU PLAY WITH YOUR POOP!"
A few minutes later I hear: "I can't WAIT till you're old enough for me to tell your friends! 'And one year, on Easter...."